Space Invaders Read online

  “Well done, Rick,” booms Buzz over the loudspeakers in my hammer-shaped helmet. “We never leave a buddy behind.”

  Now I understand.

  Rick only knocked me off so he could come back to help me up.

  More showing off for Buzz.

  I can’t refuse the help, so I take hold and let Rick pull me back onto the buggy.

  “Is that you impressing Buzz again?” I whisper to Rick.

  Rick just gives me the sharkiest of grins and zooms off into the test area, leaving me in a cloud of dry dust!

  So, here’s my journal of everything that happened to get me here-yet again being made to look like stinky seaweed by Rick in front of Buzz.

  My Terra-Training Journal, by Harry Hammer, Trainee Terranaut AND RUBBERHEADED GOOFBALL!!!

  (Sorry, looks like Rick wrote that on my journal last night while I was on the phone with Mom. I’ll get an eraser and remove it while you read.)

  Day 1

  Arrive at John F. Kelp SeaSpace Center for training.

  Rick has already nabbed the top bunk in our rooms.

  Great.

  Feeling a very long way from home, but spoke to Dad on the phone. He just wanted to talk about his latest speech and how fantastic he is as mayor. That made me want to go home a lot less. Tomorrow my training to be a terranaut starts in the SeaSpace Lab. Can’t wait.

  Day 2

  Got fitted with my terrasuit today.

  Well . . . when I say I got fitted, I got fitted with most of it. All except the helmet. Because my helmet has to be built in the shape of a hammer, it takes much longer to make, so it isn’t ready yet. I’ve got to wait.

  Rick’s is ready and he’s spent all day getting used to it.

  He’s already gone into the Landfall Test Pit (big box of dry land where they’ve sucked out all the water so we can experience being terranauts.

  Rick is going to be days ahead of me, because of MY RIDICULOUS HAMMERY HEAD.

  Day 25

  Wow!

  Just finished three weeks of math and science.

  It seems being a terranaut isn’t all spinning around looking cool and sticking flags in stuff.

  Some of the problems made Rick’s eyes go funny. He’s not the sharpest tooth in the jaw. Buzz was really impressed with me. But Rick wasn’t when I laughed at him all the way back to our room!

  Day 29

  I just swam hammer-first into a wall.

  Dr. Lamprey had me climb onto the legs of an octopus named Nigel, who spun me around so fast (to test how my body reacts to increased gravity and high speeds) that my eyes went as googly and as crossed as Rick’s had during the science classes.

  And let me tell you, when a hammerhead goes cross-eyed, he looks like he’s tied a knot in his face.

  It. Is. Not. Pretty.

  I knew I shouldn’t have laughed at Rick after the math test. He’s laughing at me now as I keep swimming into things, and he’s taking pictures for Plaicebook and Finstagram.

  Grump.

  Day 40

  Rick is getting on my nerves. All he tries to do every day is make Buzz think he’s the best at stuff.

  I mean, yeah, he’s stronger than me. But that’s because he’s a reef shark, and reef sharks are really strong, so that’s not my fault, is it?

  He’s also faster than me, and that’s again because he’s a reef shark, and reef sharks are really fast. . . .

  He’s just better than me, isn’t he?

  Everything rests on tomorrow.

  Tomorrow is the last day of training and we’re going to be testing out new buggies in the Landfall Test Pit. This is going to be the final chance to show who the best is. Little does Rick know I’ve been practicing on mine every night for an extra hour while he snores on his top bunk!

  I’m going to beat him for sure!

  So, yeah. Things don’t quite turn out how I plan. Rick pushes me off the buggy, comes back to help me up, and then leaves me in a cloud of dust, making him look so much better than me all over again.

  When will I ever learn???????

  The dust in the Test Pit begins to settle.

  Rick is already off and zooming over the pretend sand dunes, around the plastic palm trees, and under a few odd-looking rock formations copied from photographs from previous unsharked sea-probe missions. Rick is driving his cart like a pro, leaving me trying to kick-start the engine on mine.

  Just as I get the engine roaring into life, Dr. Lamprey blows the horn to signal the end of the mission and speaks into her microphone.

  “Well done, boys,” she says. “We’ll end it there! You’ve both been great!”

  “Both?” says Rick. “Harry didn’t even get his buggy going!”

  I look at Rick. Here we go again.

  Buzz, now in his own terrasuit, drops down into the Test Pit with a big smile on his face. “No he didn’t, Rick, but what he did do was not panic, or lose focus.”

  I didn’t?

  “Harry knew that what was important was not getting upset, but to stay calm and work hard to get his vehicle going. That’s just the sort of terranaut we need. You’re each as good as the other, but in very different ways. You with your brawn, Rick, and you, Harry, with your brains.”

  Wow.

  “Together, you’re the perfect team. And because of that we’ve decided that you’ll both accompany me on my next mission.”

  This time Rick doesn’t need to knock me over. I fall backward with glee, kicking my terrasuited tail in the air with joy!

  Day 50

  Mission Day!

  A huge crowd has gathered around the John F. Kelpy SeaSpace Center to see us off. I can see them out of the corner of my hammer on the screen above my head, but I really don’t want to look.

  I’m writing this quickly, as I’m currently getting strapped into the terraship command module at the top of our rocket, Apollock 11.

  Buzz is in the center seat, and Rick and I are on either side as we go through our pre-flight checks.

  Luckily, we don’t have to have our helmets on yet, as the Apollock 11 is filled with lovely fresh seawater circulated by pumps deep in the midsection of the rocket.

  Rick is sucking on a tube of Kelp Paste and looks just as nervous as I feel.

  Buzz of course is very calm as he fins switches and talks to the NASA clammander in the Fishon Control Tower.

  What?

  Why don’t I want to look at the screen?

  Simple.

  My dad is about to make a speech about me, and my mom is floating beside him wearing a T-shirt plastered with the words HARRY WARRY on the front and MY SHOOTING STARFISH on the back.

  They keep showing it on the TV coverage and I just want to curl up and disappear.

  “Can’t we turn the sound off?” I ask Buzz as he turns dials and sets navigation data into the control panel above us.

  “Don’t you want to hear your dad make his speech, son?” asks Buzz.

  “Have you ever met my dad, Buzz?”

  “Nope, but he looks like a fine shark. You should be proud to be his son.”

  “I am,” I say. “Right up until he starts speaking. You’ll see.”

  On the screen, Dad floats up to the TV lobster’s microphone and addresses the entire crowd. “Thank you all for coming here today to see me.”

  I look at Buzz.

  Buzz looks at me.

  “I have generously consented to let my son, Harry Hammer, travel with Mr. Bozz Shirtdorsal on the Appalling 11 to a strange alien world today. . . . I guess you’re all wondering how I feel about that . . . well . . .”

  Buzz looks at me.

  I look at Buzz.

  Buzz turns the sound off on the screen. “I see what you mean,” he says, patting me sympathetically on the hammer.

  “He’s all right,” I say. “Mostly.”

  Buzz grins and settles down.

  “Well, boys, here we go. . . .”

  I look at Rick.

  Rick is cross-eyed with fear. He puts
his fins over his face. “Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to steal Harry’s speech after all.” I hear him whispering.

  The clammander in Fishon Control says, “All checks complete. Apollock 11 is ready for splashoff!!”

  Gulp!

  “START THE COUNTDOWN!!!!!!”

  Earth, here we come!

  “FIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

  Rick yells “Mommy!” and reaches for Buzz’s fin!

  “FOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

  I think Mommy! and reach for Buzz’s other fin!

  “THREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

  “Hold tight, boys!” yells Buzz as the engines beneath Apollock 11 rumble to life, and the whole ocean seems to shake around us!

  “TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

  “Arrrrrrrrgh!” Rick and I both yell, as clouds of orange flames fill the portholes.

  “ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

  “Go for main engine start,” says the clammander in Fishon Control.

  “SPLASHUP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

  “Apollock 11, oceankind’s most ambitious mission yet to land on land, is clearing the tower. Everything looks good!”

  No it doesn’t! Nothing looks good.

  My teeth are rattling, my eyes can’t focus, and my head is being FLUBBBBBBERRREDDDDDDD by the sea force!

  I look around at Buzz and Rick.

  I see their faces are being as bent and rippled by the force of the splashoff as mine.

  “Apollock 11 has reached seascape velocity and will be breaking through the overhead waves in . . . three . . . two . . . one . . . and BREAKTHROUGH!!!!”

  A burst of hot sunlight comes through the porthole, illuminating the module with intense rays.

  “Helmets on!” shouts Buzz. “We’re clear of the ocean now.”

  I fumble around for my hammer-shaped helmet as the waves of the ocean drop away faster and faster through the porthole.

  Up above, the sky is deep blue, and in the distance I can just make out the mountains and beaches of land!

  “Changing to horizontal flight,” Buzz says, operating a control and steering the rocket to the flatter flight path.

  “I wanna go home,” whispers Rick.

  It’s all I can do not to agree with him. The ocean looks a very long way away now.

  We zoom on toward land, bursting through clouds, hearing the rush of wind on the outside of the module. Strange white flying things, with orange pointy noses and flappy, feathery side fins, circle in the distance. I don’t know what they are, but they seem pretty interested in us.

  “Hey, Harry,” says Buzz, looking at the creatures too. “Write down and describe any alien life-forms we see. It’s important we take back as much information as possible.”

  “Okay, Buzz,” I say, getting out my lily pad. I’m glad to have something to do to distract me from the incredible speed of the rocket.

  CREATURE ONE—The Flying Orange Nose Fin Flapper Thing

  (I know it’s not a great name, but right now, it’s the best I’ve got.) It flies. It’s got an orange nose and odd-shaped fins for flying.

  I hope I get better at spotting these alien life-forms.

  Soon the ocean is a distant memory and Apollock 11 is completely over land!

  I’ve never been so far from the sea before. I look down at the mountains below. They look so weird not covered in water. Almost in a flash the mountains are gone, and we’re out over a really flat plane. Rick has recovered from his land panic and is looking down. “What’s that?” he says, pointing at a-

  CREATURE TWO—A Red Square Thing on Black Wheels Digging Up a Field

  This is a really weird animal. I only get a second to see it, but it appears to be a creature that puts straight lines in mud in weird-looking fields, while blowing dark gray smoke out of a whale-like breathing tube to the side of its face. I wonder what it does?

  Buzz is pulling back on the throttle, and Apollock 11 begins to slow down. Up ahead I see a wide expanse of landscape with some weird-looking seaweed laid out in long straight lines.

  This whole place is so alien.

  Buzz brings the Apollock 11 back to vertical and prepares to descend to land.

  “Touchdown!” Buzz says into the radio . . . but all that comes back is a hiss.

  “What’s the matter?” I ask.

  “We’ve lost contact with the guys at Fishon Control, but don’t worry, it’s probably all the shaking from splashoff. I’ll have it fixed as soon as I can.”

  I look at Rick.

  Rick looks at me.

  Gulp!

  “Right!” yells Buzz, undoing his safety belt. “Let’s get this party started!”

  Now that we’ve landed, Rick is feeling much braver. He’s stopped asking for his “Mommy” and is again pushing me out of the way to get off the command deck of Apollock 11 and into the hold where the buggies are stored.

  “Hey!” I shout at Rick as he shoves me away.

  Buzz laughs.

  “That’s what I like to see, real enthusiasm!”

  What I’d like to see is Rick drive right into a deep, dark hole!

  Soon, the three of us are in our buggies and are waiting with bated breath for the door in the side of the module to open and the ramp to descend. All I can hear in my helmet as Buzz operates the control to drain the water and open the ship is my own breathing-loud and raspy in my ears. I sound just like the villain from that movie Starfish Wars-you know, the horrible black shark with the flowing cloak and terrifying mask . . . Darth Wader.

  Anyway, while I’ve been thinking about that, all the water has drained from the module and the door is clanking open, letting in sunlight.

  The ramp wzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzed down and Buzz raises his fin into the air. “Okay, boys, let’s do it!”

  My heart is bouncing around my rib cage like a fat tuna trapped in a cave. My hammer eyes squint in the sunlight as our vehicles clear the Apollock 11 fuselage and start to roll down the ramp toward the ground.

  “Ready?” Buzz steers off the ramp and onto the dusty earth. Rick zooms ahead of me and skids up a cloud of dirt that completely fogs my vision. I’m still wiping the dust off my visor as Rick and Buzz lean over the side of their buggies to put their finprints down!

  “That’s three . . . no . . . TWO . . . small finprints for shark. And LOADS of giant shark history for all OCEANKIND!” says Buzz into his radio log.

  Through the smears of mud and dust, I can just see Rick and Buzz high-finning. I finally manage to clank off the ramp and make my own finprint. “That’s one tiny finprint for a hammerhead, and not much else for oceankind,” I whisper to myself.

  Rick has beaten me again.

  “Okay, terranauts,” says Buzz. “I’m going to stay here to try to fix the communication gear. I want you to go off on your own, not too far, and collect some samples of local geology and plant life. Harry, I want you to keep making notes on any alien creature you come across. Okay?”

  Rick and I salute Buzz, although I manage to smear even more dust over my visor as I do so.

  Rick’s terrasuit is spotless. My terrasuit looks like I’d been rolling in low-tide mud on the Shark Point shallows. Buzz wipes my visor with a sponge he pulls from a pocket in his terrasuit.

  “You need to look after this terrasuit, son-it’s keeping you alive. Remember that.”

  As I nod up at the famous terranaut, I swear I can hear Rick snickering as Buzz wipes me clean exactly like my mom does with her hanky at the school gates.

  Grump.

  I’m supposed to be enjoying this adventure of a lifetime, and Rick is determined to spoil it!

  We’ve driven the buggies about a thousand miles from the Apollock 11. I’m quickly writing reports of the alien creatures I’ve found.

  CREATURE THREE—The Two-Horned Moo-Monster

  T
hese weird ones live in herds, make really odd “mooing” noises, and manufacture sticky brown hats from their back ends.

  CREATURE FOUR—The Hairy-Yappy-Fur Waggle-Tail

  This one burst out of a hedge and just sat there yapping at us. It was wearing a collar with a little silver disc hanging off it. I couldn’t read the word it said on the disc because it was in a weird alien language, but I’ll copy it out here: TOTO.

  I ask Rick if he thinks the Yappy-Fur is trying to warn us of danger, but Rick just shrugs. “Who cares?”

  Rick’s having more fun skidding his buggy around in the dust while I do all the work.

  DOUBLE GRUMP.

  CREATURE FIVE—The Long-Faced-Hoofed Skitter

  This one stuck its long nose over a hedge, said something that sounded like “Neigh” and ran away as Rick tried to grab the long hairs on the top of its neck.

  “We’re not supposed to catch them, Rick!” I shout.

  Rick just fins his nose at me and speeds away, saying, “You can follow the rules all you like! I’m gonna have me some fun!”

  At that moment the Yappy-Fur races up to us again, going absolutely crazy! It runs up and down in front of us, yapping for all it’s worth. It jumps up and down on the spot, wagging its tail and getting all the more frustrated.

  PING!

  PING! PING! PING! PING!

  Suddenly the emergency activation on my hammer-vision kicks in and my visor is filled with a rush of information from my hammer-head warning/sonar system. Hammerheads may have the silliest shaped heads in the ocean, but with hammer-vision, we have some of the coolest and most advanced warning senses EVER.

  My hammer-vision is telling me something’s approaching from the northeast, and it’s approaching fast!

  It would be with us in . . .

  TEN SECONDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  What is it?

  NINE SECONDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  My hammer-vision’s telling me nothing. . . .

  EIGHT SECONDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  Except SOMETHING is coming!!!

  SEVEN SECONDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!